Scars
by rosepetaldelight
Summary: Sirius and Hermione are up late one night talking and Hermione gets Sirius to divulge one of his wellguraded secrets. Not SH. Read, review, enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

"Sirius, what do you make of Harry's scar?"

Sirius and Hermione were up late at 12 Grimmauld Place. The rest of house had gone to bed, but Sirius and Hermione remained up while a few embers continued to burn in the large, antiquated fireplace. Sirius, slouched over in his usual armchair, sat up and addressed Hermione, lying down on the couch and staring into the fire.

"You've been thinking about that too?"

"Yeah, well with the attack on Mr. Weasley and Harry feeling it and all… it's just… what do you think?"

"Oh, Hermione, I wish I had a concrete explanation. I have a couple of ideas bouncing around in my head, but nothing more than that."

"What do you think, then? I mean, this can't be a common occurrence." As Hermione got more involved in what she was saying, she sat up. "If wizards were telepathic due to every little scar, heads would be buzzing with transmissions! No one would get any peace."

"No, Hermione, I think it's more than telepathy. If it were telepathy, Harry would feel everything Voldemort thought, felt, experienced. I think that when Harry feels something, it's much more -"

"Extreme, like Dumbledore said," Hermione cut in.

Sirius chuckled. "Hermione, why did you ask me if you've already discussed this with Dumbledore and are prepared to quote back to me everything he said?"

Hermione bristled. "I just thought you might have a theory I haven't heard before."

"Well, I don't know what you've heard, so I can't very well guarantee that what I say is going to be new information. I just know how strong scars can be -"

"Back up. How did you get to scar strength? You were just on not guaranteeing anything."

"Ooh, Hermione, I relish you not understanding the leaps I make. This is a new experience for me, let me fully enjoy it."

At this, Hermione threw a pillow off the couch onto Sirius, who caught it and laughed.

"Honestly Sirius! I mean it!" Hermione insisted. "Make yourself understood, please. You're a grown man, it's not that difficult."

"Right, right. I was just mentioning how lasting scars certain scars are. Some scars you can't even see. Well, some you can. But some lie hidden, very deeply. I suppose you know that too, though." As Sirius was saying this, he grew increasingly melancholy until he snapped back into Sirius-persona with the jab at her ultra-intelligence. "Harry's scar is hidden in that the pain that comes from his parent's death, I think, he hasn't dealt with fully, and I don't know if he ever will; however, his scar is out for everyone to see, as everyone recognizes him by it."

"Sirius," said Hermione hesitantly, "I understand if this is not a good question to ask, but… do you have hidden scars?"

"Oh, Hermione, you're not yourself tonight. Two stupid things said! Alright, alright. Of course I do. Doesn't everybody?"

"Well, I suppose…"

"Don't give me that. You do, I know you do. I see the way you look at Ron when you think no one's watching. You want him to love you like you love him and you don't know if he does, so that pains you. You think he doesn't and that reflects back onto you, making you feel bad about yourself. That's a scar."

At this Hermione's eyes grew wide. "You! How… how dare you! You have no way of knowing that!"

Sirius let out a hearty laugh. "Hermione, I was once an adolescent desperately in love with a few people on my own."

Hermione felt her face grew red. Yes, she was in love with Ron, but she was afraid that if Sirius saw that, he would also see her feelings for him, not the same kind of feelings as hers for Ron; these were more of the admiration variety. Also, Hermione would be creeped out if Sirius returned these feelings, while she was hoping Ron _did_ return her feelings for him.

"Sirius, that was cruel to bring that up. You owe me."

"How do I owe you? I just pointed out the obvious that all of us 'grown-ups' have been discussing when you're not around." When Hermione's eyes flashed murderously, he laughed, "Okay so I made that last part up. Don't kill me, please."

Hermione sheepishly asked, "Do… do you think Ron knows?"

"HAH! Are you kidding me? You know I like Ron, but he's really thick. Besides, you're not TOO obvious, other than those stares I talked about. They really make me feel like retching."

"Well, thank you for that," Hermione muttered sarcastically as she stared glumly into the fire.

Seeing that he had sincerely upset her, Sirius felt a slight twinge of guilt. "Hermione, fine. I owe you. What are you going to ask of me?"

Hermione thought for a second and turned to him. "Alright. You exposed part of me I didn't want exposed to anyone until I was ready for it to be exposed. You robbed me of that moment. So now you get to open yourself up to me in an equally uncomfortable manner."

"Merlin's beard, Hermione, you know how to hurt a guy."

Hermione glared at him with a look upon her face that resembled Professor McGonagall far too much for Sirius to like. "Go ahead. I'm waiting."

"Fine, fine. Honestly, the things I do for you kids. Uhhh, well, I mentioned how I was very much in love with a few girls, it was really only this one girl…"


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius bounded down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room. It was the first day of Winter Break, and he always enjoyed the Hogwarts castle in its relatively empty state. It was a real treat he came to look forward to each year, seeing as he spent each Winter Break in the castle – his idea of being home at 12 Grimmauld Place with his mother and Kreacher was not his idea of a good time. Regulus wasn't too bad, but he was a bit too much of a conformist for Sirius' liking. Sirius wasn't fond of Regulus' new group of friends, but Sirius figured it was just a phase that he would grow out of soon enough.

As for his own friends, Sirius was momentarily deserted. James spent every Christmas with his family in some exotic country or another. Remus went home for every Christmas as per his parents' request; his parents were particularly over-protective due to their son's "condition." As for Peter, Peter was privately very scared of Sirius. Yes, Peter hero-worshipped Sirius, as he did Remus and James as well, but it was not the kind of adoration built on true friendship. Peter was too insecure to be comfortable in one-on-one situations, so when it was Christmas time, Peter bolted for home so he could retreat into his room for comfort and safety.

Sirius surveyed the common room. Regulus was sitting in one corner, whispering with one of his friends who had stayed for Winter Break. "Making plans for world domination, I'm sure," Sirius thought to himself. Lying on one of the couches with a book was Loretta, a girl in Sirius' year (7th year) whom he had never much spoken to but whom his few encounters with had been enjoyable, including a coordinated book-drop in Professor Slughorn's potions class to take up class time. Loretta's twin brothers, Neil and Edward, a year below her and Sirius, were playing a very rambunctious game of Exploding Snap in the corner, while her youngest sibling, her 3rd-year sister Melody, watched on with a mix of delight and dread of being caught in the explosion.

"Decent crowd," he thought. Then he realized he had never seen Loretta's family stay at Hogwarts on break before. This thought was interrupted, however, when Melody spotted Sirius.

"Ooh! Sirius! Come sit over here and let's get a 4-person game of Exploding Snap going! We need a 4th player so I can play, and Retta was being drab and refused to play."

Without missing a beat, Loretta replied over her book, "Melody, you liar, you didn't ask me to play. I do find it quite interesting, however, that you asked Mr. Black to join you the instant he set foot in the common room."

Melody blushed a deep crimson and Loretta felt a slight bit guilty and put down her book. "I'm sorry, lovey. Do you want me to play with you? I'm sure you thought I was so deeply immersed in my book that I would have had to decline."

Melody, seeing that her sister had given her a way out of her embarrassment and that she essentially had no choice but to take this avenue, nodded her head. She couldn't resist from adding, however, "Yes. We all know how pissy you get about your books. It's like you're on eternal PMS or something."

At this, Sirius laughed out loud. Loretta grimaced at her sister and said, "Nice, Mel. Really lovely," as she walked over to the Exploding Snap game and sat down and played. She just so happened to beat everyone on the next hand.

Sirius sat down on the couch. He was now un-invited from Exploding Snap, so he looked around for something to do. He saw Loretta's abandoned book lying on the floor and picked it up. "Hmmm. _The Night of 1000 Passions_. Loretta, I am so glad to see you're not taking your Winter Break too seriously."

"WHAT?" Loretta's eyes shot up and met Sirius' playful grey eyes. Neil and Eddy let out snorts and Melody looked up with an expression of utter confusion on her face. He held up the book with the title clearly facing everyone. _Hogwarts, A History_. His face broke into a grin. Loretta, sighing visibly out of relief, smiled back. "Ha ha. Very funny, Sirius."

"Oh, so I'm not Mr. Black any longer?"

"No, the title of "Mister" is reserved for those worthy of respect. You have just disqualified yourself."

They both smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey everybody!_

_Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who reviewed the first couple of chapters. It really motivated me to keep writing and made me smile. Frequently. Keep it up!_

_Alice Dodgson – thank you so much for pointing out that wretch/retch error! I went back and reworked that bit a little. I honestly value constructive criticism – thanks!  _

_I think this is going to be my last update for a week or so. The thing is, I'm applying to college right now. So that's a helluva lot of writing in and of itself. Plus schoolwork in general… yeah, I'm pretty busy. I'd love to get to updating before then; I might, just don't be surprised if I don't. A week tops though. Scout's honor._

_In order to make up for my future not updating, I present to you the longest chapter yet. I hope you like it, and please review it if you do. Please review it if you don't – just tell me precisely what about it sucks. And without further ado… enjoy!_

The next four days at Hogwarts were a jumble of various activities. There were games of Exploding Snap; Melody grew so tired of Loretta always winning that she quit, leaving a spot in the game which Sirius filled; Sirius was terrible at Exploding Snap, so Loretta continued to win. Sirius then took to cheating. Loretta still won. Desperate to retain some shred of dignity, he challenged Loretta to games of Wizard's Chess. Sirius was better at this game because his particular chess-set was so violent, he strategized well just so he could see the violence that would ensue. With this being said, Loretta still managed to beat him a few times. Then, of course, there were the requisite games of Hide and Seek within the castle walls, much to Filch's chagrin. Neil and Eddy nearly always won these because they had managed to enlist the help of the castle ghosts who would rat out the hiding spots of all participants. The twins found it hilarious when, after they had found Melody, she offered to help them look for Sirius; she looked crestfallen when they told her he had already been found.

The one thing they hadn't done was have a decent snowball fight. While there was snow on the Hogwarts grounds, it wasn't the thick carpet necessary for excellent snow wars. It makes sense then, that one day, Loretta was eagerly shaken awake by Melody.

"Retta! Get up! It snowed a lot during the night and the boys are organizing a snowball fight and I really, really want to play but I don't want to be the only girl. Come on, get up!"

"Nehhhhhhhhhhhhh," grumbled Loretta, who was not a morning person. "What's the magic word?"

"NOW."

"Try again," Loretta murmured sleepily.

"Retta! I'll get the twins to hex you like they did last summer. It took you a while to get rid of that acne."

That got Loretta up.

Loretta was just putting on her earmuffs as she stepped off the stairwell's landing into the common room. She saw everyone there: Melody, Neil, Eddy, Sirius, Regulus, and Taylor (Regulus' friend).

"Right then," Sirius said. "So shall it be a family duel? The Blacks (and friend) versus the Bigbies?"

"YES!" cried the twins in harmony. Melody pouted, obviously disappointed that she could not be on Sirius' team. And Loretta was slightly worried. Her experience with Sirius in Exploding Snap had taught him that he was not afraid to bend the rules a bit. She was afraid what this would entail when snowballs were thrown into the mix.

The group went down to the grounds and established their headquarters, complete with a horde of snowballs each. Before the game officially started, the twins bombarded Regulus with snowballs, and Sirius retaliated – except that he aimed his at Loretta. From then on it was war.

After a solid hour of intense action, Loretta snuck away from the group. Her cheeks were rosy and her hair was damp and she was winded – she needed a break.

At that precise moment, she heard the snow crunch behind her. All in an instant, she whirled around, grabbed a handful of snow from the ground and, without looking for a target, threw her snow as hard as she could. Sure enough, Sirius was right behind her, stopped in mid-throw – he had been ready to catch Loretta from behind until her smattering of snow had struck him in the face. Now, however, the tables were turned. Sirius was the one stunned from the icy shock of snow, and Loretta was the one doubled over, giggling at the sight of Sirius sputtering out snow from his mouth in fits of laughter while holding a snowball aloft, poised for flight.

Between bouts of all-consuming laughter, Loretta managed to get out, "I got you! I got you!" As soon as she straightened herself up, Sirius let her have it. Grinning mischievously, he smushed the snowball directly onto her head. Loretta let out a piercing shriek as the cold water ran down her neck and over her head. Sirius, in an effort to spread the snowball's chill, moved his ice-cold hands slowly over her hair into a position where he was cupping her face. They both stopped laughing and gazed at each other for a few moments; then it happened without warning. In a single swoop, he lunged down towards her and urgently pulled her lips up to him. She was stunned; her arms went rigid at her side as she felt an electric jolt move from her lips to her toes and then up to her brain, making the roots of her damp hair tingle. As suddenly as he had pulled her face to him, he broke off the kiss.

As her eyes fluttered open, he smiled at her and told her in a dazed voice, "I got you after all." With a smile, she replied softly, " Sneaky bastard." And then---

"Sirius, pardon the interruption. Let me get this straight." Hermione was sitting cross-legged on the couch, listening intently to his story with her jaw dropped and with an odd glimmer in her eyes, as if she were trying to put puzzle pieces together mentally. "You just kissed this girl you had known for what, four days?"

"Yes, essentially."

Hermione was dumb-founded. She had had feelings for Ron since she hadn't known when – 3rd year? 2nd year? When he made fun of her in Charms 1st year? And she would never dream of kissing Ron out of the blue like that – or at least she hadn't up until now. The few times she kissed Viktor, it was far more deliberate. "Isn't that… I don't know – a bit quick?"

"I don't think so. Hermione, you have to consider a couple of things. First of all, I didn't (and still don't, I suppose, although I haven't been given the opportunity for a while) consider kissing to be that sacred. With that being said, I was head over heels for this girl, even though I had only spent a few days with her. That's the thing, though. My friends weren't around to distract me from her, so any time I had, I dedicated it to her. Normally my friends were around, so any girl became second priority, as cruel as that sounds."

"Sirius, when do you think you fell for her?" She was trying to pinpoint the date she started liking Ron and hoped that her friend, whom she suspected of having a great deal of knowledge about relationships, would be able to help her without explicitly asking for help.

"Oh, that's easy. When she told me I wasn't worthy of being called Mr. Black. I don't care about the name, don't get me wrong. Just, no girl had ever done that to me before – told me I wasn't worthy of something. I was used to girls flattering me, and she… didn't."

Hermione rolled her eyes. No wonder Sirius and James had been such good friends – they both had huge egos.

"What? It's true. Hermione, you know it's true," he said jokingly with a seductive eyebrow raise.

"I beg your pardon, I would not. Oh, Sirius, please. Stop that. You're being disgusting."

He let out a good laugh and muttered something only barely audible – something about "stick up her ass."

After a few moments, Hermione let her thoughts return to this kiss that had intrigued her, whether she wanted it to or not. "Sirius, if you laugh at me, I swear I will hex you so that your mother shrieks all day and night."

"Oooh, I love playing with fire. Continue."

"…. Was it a good kiss?"

Sirius laughed very loudly and Hermione's face once again resembled Professor McGonagall's. This quieted Sirius immediately.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. You've just got to understand that I find it really funny that you're so clever and thirsty for knowledge from books yet hesitant about asking questions about a topic that's interesting."

"Well maybe I wouldn't be so hesitant if you would just answer my question and not make me feel like a bloody lunatic."

"Fine, fine. Yes, to answer your question. It was an extraordinary kiss. Happy now?"

"I suppose."

They were silent for a few minutes. Sirius was obviously reliving his tale quickly in his mind. He would slightly break a smile and crease his eyebrows in frustration, then smile again. Eventually, a pained expression came over his face.

"Well?"

"Hmm?" Sirius snapped out of his fog.

"Aren't you going to continue? You still owe me from before, and I think it's fair to say that by laughing at my last question, you owe me more juicy Sirius-secrets."

"You are impossible to please, Hermione. Truly. I don't know, I'm SO TIRED tonight. Maybe this could wait until tomorrow night."

"Sirius Black! I will tell Molly Weasley that you've been tutoring Ron and Harry on how to get under Snape's skin, although I don't think they really need any help in that department."

With Hermione looking quite pleased with herself at her ultimatum, Sirius felt compelled to continue his story. He didn't mind, though. It was nice to talk about it – he hadn't spoken of it in so long. He had almost thought the dementors had sucked it out of him, but then he remembered that dementors only suck out happy memories. This story had come back to him piece by piece in quick mental flashes as he lived as a free man, though.

Regardless, Sirius continued. It's not like he was tired or anything anyways.


End file.
